Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Count down..

Well, it's Sunday and we just got through one of the last weekends that we will have Hubby home with us. I can see patterns emerging. We are all starting the really feel the date of departure upon us. Aj is just crying at least every day in anticipation of what's to come. Hubby is out buying Aj anything that a 9 year old could want. And me.. being the counselor I am just sitting back trying to analysis is all and at this point I can only ask "why". We all went to the dentist on Friday. Cavities are nothing new to me so when I was told I had three I was not surprised at all. Aj, however, has his first cavity. It breaks my heart. I just don't get it. This kid is going through sooo much right now. Why does he have to have a cavity filled?? Why does he need to go through one more thing? Why, God? Enough is enough!

I have lupus. I have been recently (well, for the past 14 months) having problems with my shoulders and numbness in my arms and hands. I have had many tests done for this and hoping upon hope to have a test or doctor find something fixable. Anything but the lupus progressing to my nerves. On Friday, after meeting with yet another new doctor I was told that the problem is my lupus. Talk about a punch in the stomach. So now, I need to wait for my lupus doctor to tell me my next step. I am guessing medications that are stronger that one I am on now. I am beyond disappointed.

I am starting to study for an exam for my next level of license. This test is a huge test and I feel totally unprepared. My plan is to study for the next 7 months. It will give me something to do when Hubby is gone. I opened the study guide today (4 volumes, literally hundred of pages each volume) and I just closed the book before I started to cry. There is so much that I don't know! I hope that I can focus on studying when Hubby is gone, I am in big trouble for this test if I don't.

Well, off to make dinner. I am off of work tomorrow and need to go get my military ID. Reality is really setting in. I just need to stay strong for Hubby and Aj. I keep thinking of things to help Aj though these times. My latest idea is for Hubby plan one idea a week for Aj and me, such as watch a movie about a surfer, go to a restaurant that starts with a B, ect.. and let Aj pick out of an hat some thing to do each week. I sure hope that I can find some way to comfort Aj when at the same time I am dealing with my own suffering. It's just one day at a time, right?

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